I was out for two weeks on paternity leave for baby #3. When I left, I had a team who seemed to work well together. But I returned to a steaming pot of grumpiness!

What in the world happened?!

Simply put, there was a communication breakdown. What was meant as a technical discussion devolved into a shouting match. In the most literal sense, too. Heated exchanges of this nature are almost always driven off of one thing – someone feeling slighted and/or attacked by someone else. Hardly the supportive, imaginative, and collaborative culture I wanted to have. The part I hadn’t anticipated, though, was the role I needed to play in establishing the correct culture.

I know, you’re thinking, “Well, ain’t that so, Capt’n Obvious.” BUT! Management almost always leads through delegation of work, making sure the work is getting done, and writing performance reviews. I could throw in keeping track of the budget, too, I guess.

So who is defining the culture?

Senior management isn’t. Ok, they came up with a few lines about how “Blah blah blah, save world with pictures of cats on internet, and blah.” I paraphrase, but you get the point. Once they knock that off their to-do list, then everything is cream!

Middle management isn’t doing anything, either. They’re just trying to get a task list checked off, while remaining under budget. “Culture” isn’t part of that vocabulary.

The individual contributors won’t. After all, what can they do? They’re just there to do the actual work.

Hold on a minute, that means nobody has responsibility for company culture. Sheesh, no wonder why a majority of Americans are dissatisfied with their job.

However…

I don’t buy it. Because there is someone who is responsible, who should take ownership: You!

There are so many “reasons” we give ourselves for not taking action.

• “I’m only one person”
• “I don’t have the authority”
• “My leadership would never go for that because ___”
• “I’ve tried, but the team doesn’t get it”

I’m sure you could easily add to this list. But that’s not the point! I am here to tell you that it doesn’t matter where you are in your org, who the cause of the bad culture is (even if it’s your boss!) you can start building the environment you want to work in. It begins by changing your mindset. Let me explain.

Remember that time you gathered together with a group of coworkers to commiserate about how horribly ran a project was, and you complained together about the awful way leadership was running your group? Or gossiping about that annoying team member over there was? (One would think that I had deep experience in this department.)

Now what if you could flip that attitude on its head. Enter Marshall Goldsmith. He is the author of the book, Triggers. This book was eye-opening to me. It argues that we can change our behaviors and reactions to our environment in order to help lead a more fulfilling life. I’ll elaborate through an example.

My two older boys have these occasional moments where you might scratch your head wondering how two relatively bright kids can turn into fools. My wife and I would bark orders at them: Why isn’t this picked up? What do you mean you can’t find your pajamas, they’re right on the bed! Is beating your toys against each other really the only way you can play with them? It gets exhausting, and then they burst into a sprint through 850 sq ft of living space. Absolutely ripe for conflict.

Reflecting on Marshall’s book I realized two things:

1. I was trying to reason with a 6- and 4-year old like they were much older
2. If I was going to change their behavior, I first needed to change mine

Instead of barking at them, I decided to ask, “Do we leave our toys on the ground when we’re done with them?” I was shocked the first time I did this. The 4-year old tells me, “No,” and nearly instantly started picking them up! The key is the use of “we.” I had made the effort of picking up toys inclusive – it’s a family thing. I experimented a few more times, and each time was surprised at how much easier it was to get them to act in the way I expected. It is an example of how I changed my environment by changing myself.

Now I’m not saying that your co-workers are children, no matter how strongly we feel about the truthiness of the fact. However, I am saying that you can use the same approach to change yourself, and subsequently your culture, at work. Here’s how.

Start by asking yourself two active questions every day (also from Marshall). These are questions that require you to take ownership of your situation, as opposed to allowing some environmental factor to control it. For example, “Am I engaged at work?” versus “Did I do my best to be engaged at work?” See the subtle difference? The first one allows us to place blame on environmental factors – our boss, other team members, the project, whatever. The second question puts all of the responsibility on ourselves.

Here are my two active questions recommendations for you:

• Did I do my best to find fulfillment in my job?
• Did I do my best to help my team members be successful?

Modify these for what works for you.

Next is to be conscious of whom and what you surround yourself with. It’s cliche, I know, but there’s a reason – it’s true. John Spence has a great quote: You are what you focus on.

It’ll be tough when you start. If it were easy, though, then everyone would be doing it. Having a system of daily questions and consistent application of them will go miles to change your perspective. Before you know it, you’ll find ways to create a positive culture within your sphere of influence.

Returning to my team’s “moment of passionate displeasure,” I realized that my role really wasn’t about my technical skill, or my ability to organize a project schedule. If I truly wanted to have a high performance team, my greatest contribution was in my ability to bring individuals together as a cohesive unit. Changing my team’s culture needed to start with me. I had to change my behavior to being more positive, more engaged, and more open. This has given me a different perspective to approach the vast personality differences in a way that helps weave ourselves together as a more cohesive team.

So if you truly want to be a leader, no matter if you have direct reports or not, then the key is this: The contribution of your functional experience pales in comparison to your ability to create an environment of trust and communication that allows others to thrive. And you start by first changing yourself.